it is one of biggest pet peeves when celebrities make fun of people for thinking it’s “cool” to dislike them. because the idea that people might not like them for legitimate reasons is impossible and preposterous.

what makes my grandparents the cutest couple ever is that my papa can’t smell my nana’s farts.

i hate seeing people who are terrible riders yet have more money than me and therefore can live out my dreams

Ugh, I don’t care if you’re best friends, I don’t want to see either of you all over my facebook news feed.

Couldn’t figure out why I kept smelling salsa, but then I noticed the giant salsa stain on my shirt.

Lately, I have been having a lot of dreams focusing on trying to escape or being gassedfor fun. WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? That I enjoy escaping or being gassed?

I want no more of this school business in my life.

Guys. 

I fainted today. I drank for four fucking days and did not a) pass out or b) puke. But, today, after lying in the sun for half an hour, I take a ground to the face. But this just wasn’t any old faint. I tried to save myself by grabbing a stool which happens to sit at the top of the basement stairs. Did I reach the stool? No. I fainted and smashed my neck and chin on the banister and then proceeded to roll half-way down the stairs. The grotesque cuts on my neck and bruise on my chin are not my only wounds. My dignity was a real loss too.

And my family and boss were there to see it. Yay.

“You can run, you can hide but you can’t escape my love”, if I had a nickel for everytime I said that to one of my cats, I would never have to work again.

Can we all just agree not to give money to people who make movies like Beverly Hills Chihuahua?